Guide to Alpha Complex (Red Clearance Edition)
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HAPPY BIRTH-DAY¸ CITIZEN
Welcome to Alpha Complex¸ your home. You may feel disoriented. Miraculously¸ you have just been born!
You feature the very latest in Cerebral Coretech™ Life-Enhancing technology. Soon you'll feel refreshed as your Omniskill generic memoryset comes online¸ providing all the information you'll need about where you'll live and what you'll do¸ in the Perfectly Ordered and Completely Comfortable world of Alpha Complex.
However¸ if you're standing¸ damp¸ naked and confused¸ in a cloning chamber staring at a tablet placed in your quivering hands by one of our clone-bank operatives¸ then please take a Mood Elevator Happiness Supplement™. Terrorist Actions have interrupted Coretech™ updating systems at this time.
If the tablet has been replaced by a booklet¸ then tablet-delivery systems have been disrupted by Expected Unscheduled Service Upgrades. Take two Mood Elevator Happiness Supplements™.
If the booklet has been replaced by a clone-bank operative reciting from memory¸ then a Routine Abundance Shortfall has interfered with the smooth running of our systems. Help yourself to the Mood Elevator Happiness Supplements™.
For your comfort and safety¸ do not interrupt the clone-bank operative: they serve your Friend¸ the Computer¸ and the security of Alpha Complex. Read/listen to¸ and commit to memory¸ the contents of this briefing document/experience before leaving this room¸ putting on any clothes¸ or taking any actions that may accidentally or inevitably jeopardise your future well-being¸ or lead to your prompt and painless* termination.
* Be advised that ‘painless' in this context is not covered under warranty unless Mood Elevator Happiness Supplements™ have been taken as directed.
HAPPY BIRTH-DAY¸ CITIZEN
"Welcome to Alpha Complex¸ your home. You may feel disoriented. Miraculously¸ you have just been born!
"You feature the very latest in Cerebral Coretech™ Life-Enhancing technology. Soon you'll feel refreshed as your Omniskill generic memoryset comes online¸ providing all the information you'll need about where you'll live and what you'll do¸ in the Perfectly Ordered and Completely Comfortable world of Alpha Complex.
"However¸ if you're standing¸ damp¸ naked and confused¸ in a cloning chamber staring at a tablet placed in your quivering hands by one of our clone-bank operatives¸ then please take a Mood Elevator Happiness Supplement™. Terrorist Actions have interrupted Coretech™ updating systems at this time.
"If the tablet has been replaced by a booklet¸ then tablet-delivery systems have been disrupted by Expected Unscheduled Service Upgrades. Take two Mood Elevator Happiness Supplements™.
"If the booklet has been replaced by a clone-bank operative reciting from memory¸ then a Routine Abundance Shortfall has interfered with the smooth running of our systems. Help yourself to the Mood Elevator Happiness Supplements™.
"For your comfort and safety¸ do not interrupt the clone-bank operative: they serve your Friend¸ the Computer¸ and the security of Alpha Complex. Read/listen to¸ and commit to memory¸ the contents of this briefing document/experience before leaving this room¸ putting on any clothes¸ or taking any actions that may accidentally or inevitably jeopardise your future well-being¸ or lead to your prompt and painless* termination."
* Be advised that 'painless' in this context is not covered under warranty unless Mood Elevator Happiness Supplements™ have been taken as directed.